Experiences vs. Things I Desire
Friend: Gayima. You know that you wouldn’t be in so much pain if the love you experienced had not been so deep, right?
Me: Silence.
I’ve been pretty quiet this year (very few podcast episodes, IG Live Sessions), but I’ve written a lot, and I’ve been traveling a lot more than writing. Libra season has arrived and I’m preparing to celebrate my 40th birthday. It feels weird typing 4-0. I remember turning 20 and thinking… Oh my God! I’m finally 20! Since then, let’s just say… life has taught me so many damn lessons that I have been humbled. Now I think… if I make it to 40, there is a miracle in that.
Experiences vs. Things Desired
Koku Gonza, Angie & I dancing on top of a table in a club in South Beach, Miami (2008).
I do want to say that as I complete 40 years around the sun and reflect, I’ve realized that my wish(es)... money cannot buy. My wishes aren’t things. They are experiences. My top five (5) experiences I wish for are:
(Numbah Wan)- Hugging and laughing and talking shit about nothing and everyone on the phone for a minimum of three hours with my best friend Angie, now my best Angel. The only person we would add to the conversation was Koku.
My last selfie with Maada. Howard Theatre, 2017
2. Choosing my favorite Uncle to be my Godfather for my wedding, and watching him beam with joy next to his wife, my Aunty FK, one of the most beautiful women that I have ever met. He’s now in heaven too.
Tree! - Partying with Maada Kebs as his wing-woman, him as my wing-man. Single, carefree, beautiful dance-a-holics. I actually enjoyed going out with him as much as with my other besties. Pure shenanigans! Club experiences with Maada Kebs were always epic. Let’s just say...Vegas nights in the DMV.
Maada KK- You are truly missed. Rest well, my brother.
4. Looking into the eyes of my life partner and feeling a deep sense of loyalty, devotion, curiosity, and the pursuit to be the best version of himself with my hand in his, as we experience some of the greatest achievements, face the toughest defeats and do our best to avoiding eating badly and binge-watching shows that will keep us from being productive the next day.
I am practicing patience…because it’s one of the few wishes that could happen. Patience.
If you’re one of those people that wants to pray for me to be married, let’s do this together.
Repeat after me:
I pray for Yima to have good health and a sound mind. Amen.
Dassit! Simple. Respectfully.
(h)OK. Let me continue.
5. Enjoying ALL my loved ones and them enjoying me… as we all age well together.
Now let me be clear. This DOES NOT mean enjoying everyone that I know or everyone that I am related to. It does not. Some are NO LONGER ALLOWED to take up my time and energy.
You know who you are.
Some of you reading this need to get better at establishing AND maintaining boundaries with the toxic ones in your life. Learn to Protect Ya Neck! Learn to Protect Ya Mind.
I don’t know if you can relate, but honestly, this year of 40 has been the hardest year to push through. For me, it’s been harder than:
The year of 28. If you know me frfr, you know why.
The year of 2016. A year that drop-kicked my ass and punched me in my chest. 2016 was the year that I became a grown woman. Chile, my ego has not been the same since! That heauxx had to learn to sit down and be quiet! She has learned that she must wait to be called on, dammit. (It’s in my book.)
The year of 2020… a whole global pandemic. Caveat: I feel like 2020 didn’t really end for me… it just continued on into 2021… but numbers mean things, so I will just … you know… continue…
I wrote a book in 2019. Writing it helped me keep my sanity when I couldn’t walk for about 2 months.
If I can put it all into perspective, I could wish for a lot more, but…there is very little that I can control. Based on that harsh reality, I’m keeping my wishes simple.
I wish every morning for the strength to pursue peace in everything that I do.
I have realized that this world is a place with continuous ups and downs. These days, if you ask a Sierra Leonean living in Sierra Leone how they are doing, some say, ‘Na foh-dum and grap.’ Translation: ‘We fall down and we get up.’ It’s the truest response one can give.
I wish peace for you. I’m grateful for your attention and your participation in helping me celebrate 40 years.
Cheers, Yima
Demetrius Philp Photography